desperate housewife

MIL has left the building

A sigh went up my chest and flew out of my lips…

Please don’t get me wrong, I do not have anything against MILs or my MIL in particular. And I like to think she doesn’t have anything against me in particular. I just seem to find it hard to breathe and talk like a normal, sane person around her. Even after more than 2 years. And if you think this is just a run-off-the-mill griping & complaining MIL story..well, you’re right…however, it’s NOT of her, it’s more of me..

My mom advised…well, more like warned me to be at my best behaviour and that I should love her and give her respects more so than I shower upon my own mom, God bless her.. I do love and respect the MIL… but face it. she is MIL therefore as the dutiful ‘other woman’ I want..I crave for her approval…be it the way I talk to her/her sons/her other DIL…the way I do my house chores especially how or what I cook (oh yes…) One of the pros for staying alone, I only cook for himself . For me, whenever I feel hungry, I’d munch an apple or take a bread.. the cons when the MIL stays over, I start to mencacah buying groceries and cracking my head wondering what on earth I can cook for her…

So, whenever she stays over with us, you can find me in the kitchen 24/7 opening the fridge and the cupboards checking for supplies. God forbid, that I should be lacking say, an onion…I’ll have full nervous breakdown, biting my fingernails into oblivion… That’s stretching the truth a bit far perhaps, but believe me, I feel like such a failure when she turned to me and said, “you ran out of black pepper? Oh well, we’ll make do…”

I usually cook for himself.. ok.. so even though mom does not consider frying noodles/KOKA and popping nuggets/hotdogs/potatoes in the oven as cooking, I do, okay..& himself doesn’t complain he in fact takes care to compliment me every time, “this is nice, really..a little bit too spicy, but nice..” Maybe cos he can’t really differentiate taste, he’ll eat anything save for sticks & stones…I love himself to bits and I trust himself with my life but a food critique himself doth not make…Therefore when I cook, I’d have all the ingredients chopped, minced, weighed and laid out in front of me.. And to make sure it’s all edible; I’ve a personal tasting spoon which I used throughout my course of cooking. The kitchen looked like Dr Frankenstein’s lab & I’d end up with cleaning half the cabinet’s dishes..

When MIL was here, she helped to fold laundry, cut chillies/onions/garlics & grinded them to a pulp, make bagedils…in other words she generally helped to improve my kitchen life… so I’ve no right to even complain..really, after hearing some horror MIL stories, my MIL is basically a Bambi… thank God…however, can’t help but wonder that there must be an easier way to this…

As mentioned earlier, this ain’t a griping-whigeing story.. I’m trying to develop methodologies on being the all-round housewife/DIL which upon for a small fee (for research) will be shared with fellow clueless DILS. For those with proven track record and willing to share their trials/errors, please call 1800-SAVE-CHILLIS

And so the search of being the perfect cook a.k.a housewife continues…

She said:

"To forgive is to let go of the hope that the past could be different..."

Maybe I am not ready to lose hope of the future...but I still wish I could turn back time & change history... be less afraid...bold to speak up & out .. that I wouldn't be caught in the tangled web of lies and hypocrisy ... Maybe I was as bad as you are for being your mute, reluctant accomplice. Maybe I still am your mute, reluctant accomplice...

God, wot a mess

May Allah bless her soul...and may He keep your family strong & patient in overcoming these trying times...Amiin, insyaa Allah...

I feel sick to the core...

I thought the past would stay in the past

I thought wrong

To cut you out of my life would involve lots of heartache and pain

To continue living like 'normal' would be hypocritical...

Tell me, wot should i do then?